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I (25F) and my long-time friend (28M) have had this extreme flirty sexual tension between us for a good year or so now. In that time we’ve become much closer, and on multiple occasions we’ve both admitted that we want to sleep with each other, have sexted, but despite that, neither of us has actually initiated anything.

Part of the reason for that is that there are (or were) some boundaries in the background. I’m his friend’s ex, so for a long time he had a respectable self-imposed rule that although we might have some sexting fun, he wouldn’t go all the way and sleep with me. This means that on the times we would hang out in person, although the tension is definitely there and it’s one of those where both people know what the other is thinking, neither of us have acted on those urges out of respect for the other and my ex.

However, more recently when we last sexted he admitted to me that the attraction from his side is real, and mentioned that next time I see him, maybe I should try to initiate and see what happens.

I might add, please put your personal qualms with exes sleeping with partners friends aside. We’re all adults, and have been very open with my ex about the chemistry between us. It’s built up very slowly over time and was definitely not something either of us expected to happen. My ex and me split 3 years ago, and we’re all still friends - it was an amicable breakup that simply stemmed from us growing apart. My ex has actually been very supportive about me and our friend exploring things because (and I quote) “even he can see we’ve got a spark”.

So back to the matter… it’s a fairly open ended remark that fully puts the ball in my court, but it was also said during a moment of heightened arousal and being honest I can’t really work out if he meant it or just wanted to say something to help get me going in the moment.

Either way, it’s been a very long time coming and there’s quite a lot of build-up from my side. So I really want to be the one to try and initiate it, especially for our first time, and I truly believe this is what my friend wants to, I just don’t know how to do it.

For the men on here especially, what does it look like when a woman initiates in a way that feels natural and attractive? If you’ve had a woman make the first move on you, what did she do that made it obvious enough for you to know she wanted you, without it feeling awkward or forced?